Part 24: Talking About Kundalini with Friends and Family
Today we’re talking all about how to approach the topic of Kundalini awakening within your relationships with friends, family, and loved ones. This is a topic that many people struggle with, understandably so. It’s been a tricky one for me to navigate as well.
I’ll be sharing some of my ideas and insights about these dynamics within our relationships and some tips and practices to help you to find balance.
Many people approach me with questions along the lines of:
How do I speak to the people in my life about what I’m going through with this Kundalini process?
They mention that they may have tried in the past, and they were either shut down, ignored, or labelled as crazy. I’ve been there myself.
First, let’s look at some of the most common motivations that we have for sharing this topic with the people in our lives.
Firstly, we may just be simply seeking validation. We may want people to recognize us as special spiritual superheros that have ‘attained’ something. We may want them to revere us, to see us as wise and evolved, and enlightened.
Notice if you can catch yourself sharing, or wanting to share, with these kinds of motivations. And don’t feel bad. It happens to everyone. I’ve been there, many times. The aim is to eventually move beyond this validation seeking motivation.
The other reason that we might want to share is because we want other people to give us permission to move forward with this process. We may turn to those who we respect or see as an authority figure and want them to say, yes, go ahead, surrender to the Kundalini process. Or we may want them to validate what we’re experiencing and squash any of our doubt.
We do this because we have not yet discovered that we can be our own masters. We don’t need anyone to give us permission to evolve and transform. The experiences we’re having are real and genuine and we know this.
We don’t need anyone else to say so. Whenever we seek this type of permission, we have given our power away. We must take our power back and find a sense of autonomy and independence.
The other reason we may want to share is because we are seeking support, help, guidance. This is completely normal and encouraged.
However, the fact of the matter is that unless a person has their own direct experience with this process, they cannot understand or offer much support.
Typically, people who have not experienced any of this directly will respond in one of two ways when you share this topic with them.
If they are a truly open-hearted person who is mature enough to really care and listen without judgement, they will hold space for you to share about your experience, they will say something like, I haven’t experienced this myself, but I believe you, and I hope things work out for you, and I’m here for you.
They may also be able to just recommend you to another resource, like a book, or a person who they think may be more familiar with it.
These people are rare. They are gems. If you have them in your life, cherish them.
The other kind of person will scoff at what you’re saying, tell you that it’s bologna, shut down, change the topic, or maybe even distance themselves from you.
Now this is unfortunate, but let’s look a little deeper into it.
First of all, this stuff is pretty out there. You have to be reasonable and just admit this. Kundalini awakening is about some like snake energy that’s inside your body that’s going to heal and transform you and make you realize and unite with God. Sure.
We can’t expect anyone to really buy into this. I think it’s completely fair and reasonable when people dismiss this topic. We shouldn’t expect too much.
In fact, it’s likely that at some point, you yourself would have dismissed this stuff until it began to happen to you. So we can have empathy for people who aren’t open to this topic.
Let’s look at some of the reasons for why people aren’t open to these ideas.
Firstly, it conflicts with their worldview on a very significant level. If they acknowledge what this is all about, they will have to revisit their beliefs about themselves, their potential, God, science, religion, and so on. That’s a lot to ask a person. So let’s not blame people when they turn the other way.
Secondly, if they were open to this idea, they would probably become very passionate about it and that would mean that they would have to begin to do their own deep work, addressing their own issues, trauma, and so on. Again, this is a lot to ask someone.
You can’t talk about Kundalini without talking about healing and self-reflection. These are scary, difficult, heavy topics for most people.
Lastly, they aren’t yet ready, so it’s not on their radar, they overlook it because their journey has other more relevant themes at the moment. This is normal. Like I said, your journey probably had other themes before Kundalini hit your radar. We have to honour everyone’s journey. Not everyone is meant to undergo this process in this life.
So how do we approach this in a balanced way then?
Recognize that this is a rare phenomenon and don’t cheapen it by expecting everyone to understand.
Give reverence to this experience, similarly to how we are told not to take the Lord’s name in vain, in the same way, don’t speak about this sacred experience in vain.
You may have a great friend, someone that you share everything with. And you may think, well how can I not tell them about my incredible spiritual experiences? They’re my best friend, I tell them everything!
Well, I’m willing to bet that don’t really tell them every single thing. If someone else told you a secret in confidence, you shouldn’t tell your best friend. You don’t tell your best friend about every little detail about your intimate life with your significant other.
There are certain things that are kept sacred and special and your spirituality can be one of those things too.
Live it, don’t talk about it. If this is really all about peace and love and union, great. Prove it in the way that you move through the world. Let your life itself be the message.
Here’s a practice that I sort of came up with. I heard from Ram Dass that everyone is God in drag. And so when I think about this, I imagine that the entire world is like a giant Zen monastery. And everyone I meet, is a Zen master in drag, God in disguise.
In Zen, their teachings are a bit quirky and strange and counter-intuitive at times. So when I meet someone and they behave in a way that isn’t exactly how I want, say for example, I mention Kundalini awakening and they just dismiss it, instead of blaming them, I ask myself - what is this Zen master trying to show me? What is their quirky, indirect teaching for me today?
Maybe it’s just that I need to stop seeking validation by talking about my spiritual experiences with them. Maybe it’s that I’m getting caught up in attachment to mystical phenomena and losing sight of what this process is really all about.
Maybe they’re reminding me that I don’t need to tell God about spirituality. God knows everything about spirituality. I don’t need to tell them anything about it. So see if you can play this game in your own life. See everyone as a Zen master in disguise, as God in drag.
Of course, this does not mean that you spiritually bypass and let people abuse you. Please keep that in mind.
Now, I don’t really talk about any of this stuff in my personal life very often anymore. I used to.
I have some great people that can hold space for me even if they aren’t experiencing these things themselves.
But as I’ve matured, I no longer feel the need to talk about it unnecessarily.
Instead, I have found an outlet through this work, through my podcast, through those who reach out to me and that satisfies me.
I invite you to consider something similar. Maybe you can create an anonymous blog and just express yourself and talk about your experience without fearing that anyone will judge you or shut you down. You may make some meaningful connections this way and get things out of your system in a healthy way.
To summarize, you will naturally have to test the waters yourself and see how people respond. You may be lucky and be surrounded by some really open-minded people who genuinely care for you without judgement.
But if you find yourself feeling lost, I invite you to go incognito, to practice seeing everyone as God in disguise, to let your life itself be the message that you want to share, and as well, let others lead you into those conversations if they are inspired to do so.
Contact me with any questions about your Kundalini awakening process.
Find out more about meeting with me one-on-one here.