The Truth About Twin Flames & Kundalini Shakti Awakening: My Journey | Part 70
Today we’ll be exploring one of the most captivating, exciting, but also crippling and confusing themes in the spiritual community:
The concept of twin flame relationships and their connection to the Kundalini Shakti awakening process.
When I refer to twin flames, I’m referring to those far out, mind boggling spiritually charged relationships that seem to be a big part of our spiritual journey and awakening processes. They’re riddled with intense shared energetic phenomena, synchronicities, emotional upheaval, immense love, the need to be close and the need take distance, juicy drama, and all that stuff.
When I refer to Kundalini Shakti awakening, I am referring to the spiritual transformation that occurs within the entire-body-mind spirit system during the evolutionary process.
I’ll be giving my take on these two themes and their interplay.
I have years and years of direct and intense experience with both the Kundalini process and the twin flame journey. I’ll be sharing some of my personal stories and things I haven’t shared before.
I’ve also spoken with countless others and gathered some useful information about these ideas overall, and that’s why it’s taken me some time to put this all together.
I wanted to zoom out and see the big picture so I could present something clear for you all.
We’ll explore what twin flames are all about, the idea of synchronicity and strange coincidences, the runner and chaser dynamic, getting triggered, learning to heal and love yourself, and how to get through some of the difficulty of this intense journey unscathed.
I want to offer some validation for you in case you’re wondering if you’ve gone crazy and let you know that there is a meaningful reason for all the drama associated with a twin flame encounter, and that of course, in my view, there is definitely something genuine going on here with what we may call twin flames.
Let me start off with an important disclaimer here:
What I have to share today is pretty far out and unbelievable, especially to those who haven’t had any experiences with it. I am well aware that this topic can make people, such as myself, look absolutely insane.
I get it. I’m not here to convince anyone that this is real or not, only to support those that are having a hard time with these themes.
Maybe twin flames aren’t real. Maybe spirituality isn’t real. Maybe synchronicity is all just random stuff and anyone who buys into any of this is delusional. Maybe it’s all woo-woo bs. Maybe so.
Regardless, relationships are real. We can all agree.
And so whether you find yourself in what you think might be a powerful mystical spiritual twin flame relationship, whether you’re not sure, or whether you don’t believe in any of that stuff, the core message of what I have to share here today is applicable to any and all relationships.
The core message is one of self-love and working on the relationship we have with ourselves in order to have meaningful relationships with others, no matter who they are.
Twin flame encounter or not, the work is the same.
Next, we must always be mindful not to use spiritual ideas and concepts against ourselves. For example, we cannot say that because a partner seems to fit the description of a twin flame, soul mate, or whatever, we must tolerate any form of abuse. No.
It doesn’t matter how many signs and synchronicities and mystical experiences you share with another. If they are abusive, you must seek safety, help, and justice. Do not justify staying and accepting mistreatment in the name of spirituality.
The ideas of healing I will be sharing here have to do with managing relationship challenges that arise which are not abusive. For example, someone cancelling plans on you may hurt, but it’s not abuse.
Someone hurting you physically or emotionally manipulating you is abuse. The spiritual growth in abusive situations comes when we stand up for ourselves and leave them, not when we try to stay and meditate through the pain.
And of course, we don’t use these ideas against other people. For example, we don’t say, you’re my twin flame or you’re my soul mate, therefore you must stay with me at all costs, no matter what, or else bad things will happen. That’s manipulation and abuse.
It is very easy to fall into spiritual bypassing, especially in the midst of an intense spiritual journey with difficult emotions like heartbreak and abandonment. Use discernment, be grounded, be mature.
So now that we have that important disclaimer out of the way:
There are a handful of ways that Kundalini Shakti can be awakened.
This powerful energetic force can be triggered to rise through practices such as:
Meditation
Breathwork
Devotion and Prayer
Receiving a Shaktipat transmission from a Guru
For the most part, generally speaking, these practices require a lot of intense dedication, sometimes lifetimes.
Many aspirants give up their regular lives in society and seek solitude and isolation to practice things like meditation or to study with a Guru or dedicated spiritual community.
Think of a monk meditating in the forest or a yogi meditating in a cave.
These approaches are all valid and have served individuals seeking to awaken Kundalini and spiritually transform for millennia. However, they take a long time.
Today, we are experiencing an accelerated period of collective awakening. An ascension. Maybe you’ve heard of it, felt it, or know directly that you’re a part of it. Things are speeding up very quickly and more and more people are awakening somewhat suddenly. This is why there are so many of us lately.
Most of us do not have the time to go into retreat or isolation for decades in order to go through our spiritual healing and awakening journey. Things are just happening too fast now.
So, the Universe has introduced a new, faster way for the spiritual awakening journey and Kundalini awakening process to be triggered:
The encountering of a twin flame partner along your spiritual path.
Rather than retreating into isolation, where romantic relationships aren’t typically welcomed or sought after, the twin flame journey invites spiritual seekers to undergo their awakening journey in society, without having to leave.
Essentially, a twin flame partner comes along and assists you to awaken, heal, and transform, very rapidly, without necessarily having to commit to decades of life as an ascetic.
They help you to quickly see what you need to heal and release, so that you don’t need to go into a meditation hut all by yourself and try to figure it all out on your own, which usually takes a very long time.
And of course, how do they help us? Well, they can inspire us, but they can also stir up a lot of pain for us to process and address. They can shine a light on our shadow. This often isn’t an easy process. However, it is usually much quicker than sitting in a meditation cave and trying to address your shadow all alone.
In my view, this is why the twin flame theme is a literal new-age idea. It simply didn’t really exist even 50 years ago.
At least, I haven’t heard of any of these types of relationships anywhere else.
I think this is something new that has only recently come about.
There may be hints at it here and there in ancient teachings, but overall, this is a fresh phenomena, if you ask me. It’s quite literally “new age” in that sense.
Remember, the universe is constantly evolving and expanding. So naturally, new ways for the awakening process to unfold will continue to manifest throughout the ages. Twin flames is one of the latest.
So let’s unpack the twin flame journey in more detail. I’ll share some of the generally believed ideas about twin flames and then give my contrarian take on the matter, after having actually lived it.
In general, the most common view of twin flames is that for some people, there is a romantic partner out there that is as near of a perfect match as can be, on all levels, most notably, spiritually.
Twin flames have been marketed to the spiritual community as “the One” on spiritual steroids. Some believe the twin flame relationship to be the most ideal and perfect relationship there could possibly be.
But, the fact of the matter is that many go through great suffering trying to make it work.
Upon encountering a twin flame, there is usually an instantaneous fiery connection and attraction. This connection often deepens very rapidly. There is a strong feeling of everything being absolutely perfect.
Now this might sound like the beginning of most romantic relationships, except with twin flames, there’s a significant spiritual component involved as well.
Great synchronicity, mystical phenomena, altered states of consciousness, energetic shifts, chakra experiences, Kundalini Shakti awakening, and other spiritual magic often occurs within the context of the relationship.
All of this can be a great build up of immense hopefulness for those involved, who likely have spent their whole lives seeking out such an apparently perfect partner.
And then, the rug gets pulled out from under their feet, things begin to unravel and their shadows become exposed.
Almost as quickly as things began, they start to fall apart as all of the insecurities, trauma, conditioning, and outdated beliefs begin to surface as a result of being triggered by the sudden onset of relationship challenges.
What was once shaping up to be a spiritual fairytale turns into total chaos.
Through these challenges, which usually involve a separation between the two twin flames, they are each forced into a deep and intense period of purification and personal transformation, ultimately culminating in the cultivation of a profound, sustainable self-love within themselves as individuals.
In some cases, two twin flames encounter each other briefly, either in person or even online, and then they are unable to connect further due to distance, or being in other committed relationships already, and so on. In any case, there is almost always something that comes between twin flames, causing a lot of pain to get stirred up.
Of course, as we have been exploring throughout this series, the Kundalini Shakti awakening process involves a period of deep emotional and psychological purging and healing. Deep things from the unconscious, from the shadow, begin to emerge to be healed and released. This process can be amplified within the context of the twin flame journey.
Put simply, a twin flame relationship can involve a romantic encounter, one or both partners experience a Kundalini Shakti awakening, they separate, and intense healing work begins.
So far, I’ve found all of the aforementioned points that I’ve shared about the concept of twin flames to be valid, generally speaking.
However, some say that twin flames are two people that share one soul. I have found no reason to believe this other than romanticized hype.
The next point that you might hear about, which I also disagree with, is the idea that two twin flames are meant to eventually reunite and live out the rest of their days together, having both completed their healing and purification process, now oozing with unconditional self-love, ready to serve others as a sort of awakened, ascended, healed spiritual power couple.
The idea of an eventual reunion is something that I want to demystify today.
There are far too many going through the purification process, after having had a very intense romantic encounter with a twin flame before it all went haywire, hoping that one day they will eventually live happily ever after together.
This happily ever after fantasy is, in most cases, exactly that. It’s just a fantasy. It’s not the goal of the twin flame encounter, it’s not the pinnacle, or the point of it all.
So let me make this clear:
The twin flame encounter is meant to catalyze your growth, expansion of consciousness, and embodiment of self-love. Period. That’s it.
It’s not meant to have a fairy tale ending where both partners reunite. This may happen in very rare cases, but let’s just assume that it won’t. My intention today is to snap you out of this idea, if you happen to be going through this kind of point on your personal spiritual journey.
And I’m speaking from experience, after having encountered someone that fits the definition of my twin flame, having my Kundalini Shakti awaken when we were together, having separated, and never reuniting, despite going through a deep healing phase.
After all that, I found myself in a meaningful and deep relationship with someone new, and we have been together ever since, more than 7 years now.
Let me share some of the details of all of this with you. I will have to leave some personal details out, but throughout my sharing, I will intersperse some thoughts, ideas, and reflections.
My spiritual awakening journey began when I was teenager. I was very depressed and anxious. I heard meditation could help, so I sat and looked inward. Suddenly I began experiencing a classic sign of Kundalini Shakti awakening process - spontaneous kriyas, spontaneous movements of my spine.
At about the same time period, down the hall from me in my high school was a girl with whom I briefly crossed paths, talked a bit, and nothing more. Interestingly, I felt a sort of familiarity and pull toward her.
This was my first encounter with the person I would understand to be my twin flame. Of course, I didn’t know this at the time. We’ll call her Tiff, for twin flame. It would take years before I finally even learned about twin flames, actually.
I continued on my spiritual journey, dealing with depression, exploring mindfulness, and all that.
Fast forward about 3 and a half years. I reconnect with Tiff and we go on a coffee date, or something. I was a young clueless guy and didn’t know if it was a date or not. But we get to talking about spirituality, which is of course my favourite thing and definitely a topic that comes up often with twin flames. We exchange some ideas. It’s a good time. And then we go our separate ways.
I had some inclination toward seeing her again, but for some reason, I just couldn’t follow up. It felt like I wasn’t ready to really go deep, and that if we saw each other again, I would have to. I could feel something really strong was there. A pull. A vortex. I’m not sure.
So let me pause here. This type of thing is not necessarily unheard of amongst even ‘normal’ relationships. People feel sparks and things all the time.
But this is how things started, coinciding almost perfectly with the first Kundalini Shakti phenomena I had. And there was definitely some strong spiritual attraction.
Perhaps you’ve felt this kind of thing too, with someone you would say is your twin flame. There is a pull that cannot be explained. Sometimes we can’t resist it and have to connect and be in touch, but sometimes the pull itself is too scary, so we run away.
That’s what I did. And this is what I hear from many people.
They have an encounter with a twin flame, and they just want that person to stop pulling them energetically because it’s scary, or they know it can’t work out in the long run. But they can’t escape the energetic pull. It’s like a huge magnet, drawing them in closer and closer. In my case, it took years, but of course, we did reconnect eventually, in a weird way.
Over the next 3.5 years, I had other romantic encounters, all of which provided great context for spiritual growth. In other words, they hurt a lot. There were some good times, of course, but nothing lasting and sustainable.
I was seeing another girl, not Tiff, on and off for a few months in a casual way. She was really kind and very spiritually aware, but very fickle, unreliable, and inconsistent. She would often tell me she was coming to meet me, give me her ETA, and then never show up. It was really painful and brought up a lot of my own insecurities, fears, shame, and judgment.
Well, one day I decided that I needed to stop being hung up on her and move on. This felt really sad, like I was giving up on her and accepting that I would have to be alone.
At this time, my spiritual practice involved putting my hands on my heart, and holding myself, saying “I love you”, no matter what I was thinking or feeling.
So I did this, very intensely. I sat with my pain, fear, and insecurity and I loved myself deeply and fully. I felt a literal energetic and emotional release. I gave myself permission to let her go and to be alone and open to new possibilities.
Well, the very next day, I woke up feeling light and clear. I went on Facebook, and I noticed that Tiff shared a talk by the famous spiritual philosopher, Alan Watts. For the first time in years, I got in touch with her and we talked about Alan Watts and spirituality and what not.
Eventually, she shared with me that just the day before, she split up with her fiance. I didn’t tell her, but I thought, hmm, that’s interesting, considering that the day before, I also just let the previous girl I was seeing go too.
Tiff invites me over to catch up. And immediately, there are sparks and romance flying. For some reason, I feel called to ask her if she’d like to meditate with me. And we sit quietly together. We began dating from that day for the next couple months or so. And it got pretty intense.
So let me take a moment here to acknowledge the situation from a grounded and rational perspective.
Here we are, two vulnerable people having just moved on from other partners. We come together within a couple days and have a strong romantic connection. Big deal.
Some could say there’s nothing mystical or magical or spiritual about it. Just two heartbroken people rebounding with each other. And I understand. And to those who see these types of things in this way, that’s no problem.
Because like I said in the beginning, no matter how you view any of these encounters, the work is still the same: we have to figure out how to love ourselves, which is the true aim of the twin flame theme anyway.
But of course, we can’t ignore the synchronistic timing of it all. And in my personal experience, the energetic pull was very present and palpable, just like when we first encountered one another.
We spent the next little while seeing each other. Whenever we were together, I would feel incredible energetic phenomena in my body. My chakras would light up and I would feel high as if I was on a mild dose of psychedelics. There was immense activated sexual energy. She would share similar experiences. We were totally in the flow, experiencing all sorts of synchronicity and spiritual themes between us.
We both felt like we had finally made it. We had finally found the spiritual partner that destiny had for us. We felt that we had done enough spiritual work and meditation and we were made worthy of each other. It felt like a fantasy had come true. Within like a month, we were saying I love you and planning our future together. It just made sense. All the magic and energetic phenomena validated all of this for us.
Keep in mind, even at this point in my journey, I still don’t know what twin flames are. I also don’t know much about Kundalini at all either.
Tiff, her best friend, who we’ll call Biff, and I decide to have a plant medicine journey with psilocybin. We journeyed together for a bit, and then they left me alone in a bedroom.
I took this as an opportunity to meditate and love myself, as I had been doing for the past year or so. With my hands on my heart, I told myself, I love you, over and over.
With the support of the psilocybin, it was a very powerful experience. I felt as if I was being held and loved by God, while simultaneously feeling that I was God holding and loving a guy named Brent. I was stoking this huge fire of love in my heart.
Suddenly, I had an anxious thought - where is Tiff and Biff? Are they okay? Are they hurt? I need to check on them.
Telepathically, I heard a gentle soothing voice say, “Brent, relax. Whatever is taking care of you right now, is also taking care of them. Relax.”
So I said okay, and went deep into my self-love meditation.
Suddenly, from the base of my spine, there was a massive energetic explosion up my spine. I can only describe it as a freight train busting through the tiny shaft in my spinal column. It exploded out of the top of my head and I found myself in a vast spaciousness. It was incredibly orgasmic, beyond any words.
After an unknown amount of time, I returned back into the room. I was very confused. Because of the orgasmic explosion, I thought I was having sex. However, I was alone and I did not have any physical sexual release.
Suddenly, the girls returned into the room. However, I could not distinguish whether I was the one that just returned into the room. I couldn’t tell who I was between the three of us. We all felt as if we were the same person, deeply interconnected. There was an incredible shared experience of oneness. It felt like pure unconditional love.
Eventually, we came out of that state slowly, and I tried to describe what I had just experienced. They said that while they were in the other room, they observed a massive explosion on the stucco ceiling which had to have been at the exact same moment of my own inner explosion.
We enjoyed the rest of the trip and went with the flow, not holding on too much to what we had experienced.
The next day, I went to say goodbye to Tiff and I could feel this very thin layer of distance between us. It was fresh and uncomfortable. It felt like I had just been kicked in the stomach, especially considering how close we had been for the past couple months.
Well, I began to experience incredible anxiety, crying, and feeling completely frazzled. When I tried to engage and connect with Tiff, she was becoming increasingly distant and this made me feel even more uneasy.
Eventually, I spoke with Biff, and she told me that she thinks I had a Kundalini Shakti awakening during our trip. She sent me a link to a talk by Ram Dass where he speaks about his own awakening. And I said, oh my god, that’s what happened to me.
From there, I began doing a lot of research on Kundalini. I came to learn that Kundalini brings about a period of purification during which a person can begin to experience all sorts of dark and heavy emotions and thoughts coming up from deep within. This explained why I was feeling so messed up.
Eventually, I was hanging out with Tiff and Biff again. But there was immense distance between us now. It really hurt me and I couldn’t understand or put my finger on why Tiff was pulling away from me. I wasn’t sure if she was even aware of how things were shifting.
I was in her room, and I was magnetically drawn to look at a drawing of a mandala on her wall. It was something her ex-fiance had drawn for her. Suddenly, I felt this huge energetic presence come between us, belonging to her fiance. It scared me. I felt threatened and worried.
Well, within a few days, I got a text message from Tiff. She said,
Hey Brent, yesterday I met up with my ex-fiance and we decided to get back together, so you and I are no longer a thing.
I had a panic attack and quit my job on the spot. I went home and cried and threw up for the next few days.
This marked the separation period of the twin flame journey, though I still hadn’t yet known about twin flames.
For the next little while, I would feel extremely betrayed and desperate. Everything was going so well. I was on top of the world. And suddenly, I was in the lowest pit I’d ever been in.
By now, I had understood this had to do with my Kundalini Shakti awakening purification process and things were coming up for me to heal and release. But it was still very hard.
I spent the next 6 weeks or so sitting in meditation, loving myself, and having all sorts of crazy Kundalini-related mystical and spiritual phenomena arise.
Around this time, through synchronicity and the flow, I found myself learning about twin flames online. I saw that Kundalini awakening can sometimes happen between twin flames. Through reading about others, I had another oh my god moment. Tiff and I were twin flames.
Unfortunately, I thought this meant that we were eventually supposed to reunite, once we healed ourselves of our wounds. So I remained hopeful.
The thing is, I couldn’t just get away from Tiff and heal myself, which is really what I wanted to do. For some reason or another, we had to keep making contact. Admittedly, some of those times were provoked by me in my desperate state. And each time it would bring me hope and then despair when she didn’t respond to me in the way that I hoped for.
She also had some of my important stuff, and I really wanted it back, just so that I could cut ties and do my work to heal. But there was this constant back and forth around making plans to exchange our stuff. Not only that, but I would see something of hers on social media. Or someone would mention her. Or I’d have a dream about her. No matter what I could do, I couldn’t completely get away.
I felt completely energetically entangled to her. It was like at times I could read her mind or feel her emotions even though we were miles apart. There were some times when I felt absolutely certain about what she was doing, feeling, and even wearing. It felt like our auras were enmeshed. This was even more painful because we were not in contact.
This was the typical runner/chaser dynamic that we often see within the twin flame dynamic. One twin will run, and this will trigger a lot of anxiety and desperation in the other.
Of course, the one who runs is also experiencing their own challenges and fear, often around unworthiness of receiving the deep love that their twin wants to offer, or deep fear about the implications of the existence of all this far out stuff on one’s reality.
Twin flames often oscillate between runner and chaser, assisting each other to heal and address the wounds and conditioning they both have by triggering one another.
I know this is a common theme that many experience during the twin flame encounter. There are periods of constant triggering, during which the two partners basically push each other’s buttons to bring things up to be healed.
Remember when I mentioned that the twin flame journey is a very quick way to go through spiritual awakening and transformation, compared to going to meditate in a cave by yourself? This is why it’s so quick. Because the moment you’re done processing something painful, you might get triggered again, and something else will come up to be healed and released.
It was like all of my fears, insecurities, abandonment wounds and lack of faith were constantly being triggered by Tiff, one after another, in all sorts of different ways.
Fortunately, I had understood the assignment and though it was uncomfortable, I continued loving myself no matter what was coming up.
Of course, the same kind of healing work could be done alone in a meditation hut. It just takes a long long time and a lot of effort. The gift of the twin flame is they push your buttons and bring things up for you. It sucks, but it is still a gift. Once you get enough space, you can see it.
I was very vulnerable, desperate, needy, and hurting. I was exploring all sorts of material about the idea of twin flames. There were charts, infographics, videos, and blog posts, and people you could hire to do energetic readings, and all sorts of stuff propping up the fantasy that twin flames are meant to be reunited one day.
I did try to explain about twin flames to Tiff. It was a desperate act to try and show her what I had found and how it explains everything about why she’s running away. I tried to tell her that we just had to heal ourselves and we could be together. She wasn’t open to it. This brought up a lot of rejection for me to process and heal. How convenient.
But then, I eventually came across one piece of content that stated, point blank: the notion of twin flames finally living happily ever after again is not real.
And immediately, it shook me awake. I snapped out of the delusion and felt so liberated to know that I could let the relationship go, move on, and allow my life to move forward instead of clinging so desperately to the fantasy as if things couldn’t ever get any better than what I had experienced with my twin flame.
Eventually, my twin flame/Kundalini Shakti awakening purification and healing process began to become less and less intense. I began to feel more and more stable, more and more peaceful. I had established a high degree of self-love within my own heart, and was feeling renewed, transformed, and in a deep state of trust and surrender.
I had made peace with the journey I went through with Tiff. I had understood that we were never really meant to be together forever. Instead, she came to simply light me on fire so that I could burn up a lot of karma and pain I had been carrying around for my whole life. That was what she gave to me, as my twin flame.
And that’s why I say, a twin flame’s role isn’t to fulfill you or to be the One. Their role is to catalyze your awakening journey so that you can do a lot of healing, very quickly, because we are living in an accelerated period of planetary ascension.
After some time of feeling stable and clear, I connected with someone else, who I call a soulmate. We’ve been together ever since, in a very meaningful, exciting, loving relationship.
I don’t have a clear definition for soulmate, all I know is that it feels right and isn’t full of intense drama and emotional spikes. It’s sustainable for the long run. Unlike a twin flame relationship.
Please understand, I’m debunking the twin flame fantasy not because I’m jaded or hurt by what happened to me in the past. I look back in appreciation and gratitude for the growth that the experience inspired.
If you’re going through some difficulty with someone whom you’ve recognized is your twin flame, I’m inviting you to give yourself permission to let it go. Eventually, you can find a soulmate.
In fact, during my period of purification after the end of my twin flame relationship, I sought the support of a mentor. I told her about all that I was going through and how desperately I wanted to get back with Tiff. My mentor simply told me:
Brent, make sure to maintain high standards.
It’s important that we don’t settle and know our worth. Truthfully, if I look at the relationship with Tiff, there were many red flags that I had overlooked or was willing to compromise on. Even though there was truly some magical mystical stuff happening between us, there was also things that I would prefer not to have in a long term relationship.
I invite you, if you happen to be hung up on your twin flame, to consider whether there are any red flags you’ve been ignoring. Remember, maintain high standards. You deserve the best.
And of course, even if red flags show up, we can still offer forgiveness to our twin flames for hurting us, if they have. We don’t have to contact them to offer forgiveness. We can do it in our hearts. Forgiveness is very healing, especially for the one who forgives. Carrying around resentment is difficult. Letting it go through forgiveness is powerful.
A twin flame comes to reflect back to you the love that you have not yet given yourself. A soul mate reflects back the love to you that you have given yourself.
This is a generalization, and it’s not black and white, but that’s a good way to look at it. There’s a soulmate out there for you, and you can meet them and it will be smooth and awesome, once you’ve established a foundation of self-love within yourself.
Twin flames are like fireworks. Flashy and intense, but short-lived. Soulmates are like a searing hot bed of coals, which is actually the hottest part of a fire, which stays hot for a long, long time.
And keep in mind, in my view, the Universe is putting you through this intense healing and transformational journey so that you can relate consciously with others. So don’t fear that by letting go of your twin flame fantasy, you will be left forever alone. If you want a relationship in your heart, then there is one out there for you.
So if you’re in the midst of this sort of situation, feeling heartbroken, betrayed, or abandoned, whether it’s by someone whom you recognize as your twin flame or not, here’s some insight and practices to help you work through these challenges.
First and foremost, self-love is the answer. Our kneejerk reaction to hearing this is usually, why can’t other people just love me, why do I have to do it myself?
Well, it’s because we have a source of love and fulfillment within us that we have access to at all times. Other people can do their best to love us, but of course, they’re not always with us in the way that we are always with ourselves. We can’t rely solely on other people to fulfill our need for love. We have to provide for ourselves too.
Self-love looks like giving ourselves full unconditional permission to think, feel, or experience anything that may arise within our body-mind-spirit system without judgment, suppression, denial, or escapism.
Self-love looks like speaking kindly to ourselves, affirming our worthiness, and healing our wounds from the past.
Self-love looks like treating yourself in the way that you wish others would treat you, by doing and saying things to yourself that you wish others would do and say to you.
Self-love is giving ourselves the attention that we would give to our own child.
This is how we heal and overcome the hardship of relationship challenges and heartbreak. This is how we evolve into a person that is capable of entering into a deep and meaningful relationship without all the pain and hurt.
Next, when dealing with these difficult relationship dynamics, we have to understand that we shouldn’t be dependent on another person’s process. Sometimes, we can blame others by saying or thinking things like, “if only they were more conscious, things would work out better”.
This form of passing the buck is common amongst spiritual people at certain points on the path, especially when looking at things through the twin flame model.
We may recognize that other people are behaving in unfavorable ways due to their unresolved trauma and conditioning and so we may want them to heal so that they can better relate with us. Usually when we’re thinking this way, we are completely overlooking our own shortcomings and the work that we need to do ourselves.
Now, let’s talk a bit about getting triggered. We can look at being triggered from two points of view. From a perspective of victimhood or a perspective of empowerment.
When we look at getting triggered through the eyes of a victim, we resent the other person for what they’ve done, and we deny, suppress, or escape our feelings as a result of it.
When we look at getting triggered through the eyes of empowerment, we see that though the experience may not be comfortable, each trigger is an invitation to heal.
People in our lives trigger us as a means to help us to heal and let go of the bottled up pain and conditioning that we carry. When we’re triggered and painful emotions, thoughts, and feelings arise, they are arising to be released. If we allow this process to unfold, we actually go through a healing as a result of being triggered.
Twin flames are notorious for triggering each other in very intense ways. I invite you to consider that the same synchronicity and universal intelligence that orchestrated all the wonderful things in your life, maybe even connecting you with your twin flame initially, is the same synchronicity and universal intelligence that orchestrates the drama, triggers, and healing cycles too.
When pain arises, it’s not because something has gone wrong. It’s because you’re going through a healing process. If you understand this, you can snap out of victimhood and find yourself in a state of empowerment in which you understand how this game is played and from that point, it gets easier.
Taking space is very important when going through an emotional healing cycle. Sometimes, we don’t want to take space. We want to talk things out with others. This is healthy at times, but understand that space is very important too. Usually, if one person within a relationship has pushed you away or asked for space, it means they need it. It also means that you need it too, whether you’ve consciously recognized that or not.
Going back to the topic of synchronicity, during a twin flame relationship, intense, overwhelming amounts of profound synchronicity can begin to show up. I’m not talking about just texting each other at 11:11 everyday. I’m talking about extremely thick plotlines that could be turned into a Hollywood blockbuster.
When the relationship gets difficult and the time comes to let it go, we can sometimes cling to the synchronicity and use it to justify how we are meant to eventually be reunited.
For example, and this is just one of many examples, but I had another romantic partner that I haven’t yet mentioned. She was a green eyed brunette that immigrated to Canada when she was 12. She spoke 4 languages and had an Om symbol tattooed on her upper back between her shoulder blades.
Well, Tiff, my twin flame, was also a green eyed brunette that immigrated to Canada when she was 12. She spoke 4 languages and had an Om symbol tattooed on her upper back between her shoulder blades.
The two girls’ names were also a sort of anagram.
When I realized these bizarre coincidences, my desperate mind could only think - of course we’re meant to be. That’s what all these synchronicities are suggesting. My mind was boggled. It made me suffer even more. I misinterpreted the synchronicity and used it to validate my own fantasies and gave myself false hope.
Well, no matter how complex the synchronicity may get, it ultimately boils down to one simple thing - it’s a sign from the universe that you were on the right track the moment you noticed it.
There’s not much use in going back into the past like a detective and trying to decipher the synchronicity you experienced as if it will have clues about how to finally live happily ever after with your twin flame. All it meant back then was that you were in the right spot and to keep going. You can let the stories you may have woven around the synchronicity you’ve experienced go.
Synchronicity also demonstrates to us that there is something much more intelligent than us controlling the show here. Call it God or the Divine or the Universe or Source. There is a director orchestrating our destiny and we can surrender fully to it. Synchronicity reveals the brilliance of the director and with trust, we can let go into the flow. Use synchronicity to remember, your ego doesn’t have much control in life.
As well, remember that synchronicity is always available, not just in twin flame encounters. I regularly experience synchronicity in mind blowing ways. It’s a normal part of my life.
For example, my partner now, whom I call a soulmate, her birthday is the same as my best friend’s dad. My birthday is the same as my best friend’s mom. The odds of two couples sharing birthdays like this are quite astronomical. But that’s synchronicity. It demonstrates that things are arranged by a brilliant architect. Synchronicity is everywhere, not just in twin flame relationships. Let go and surrender.
I want to also put out a warning here to avoid getting caught up in giving your money away to those people who may claim to be able to do twin flame energy readings and things like that.
Sometimes people claim to be experts at tuning into your twin flame’s aura and communicating with their higher self, or observing what sort of healing work they’re doing, and then relaying that information back to you. Sometimes this can seem appealing, especially if a twin flame has cut off contact with you.
Those offering these types of readings and services may not have ill intentions and they may genuinely want to help you, but the fact of the matter is, there’s nothing they can offer that’s going to be of much use to you.
If you’re dealing with the type of heartbreak that a twin flame usually leaves you with, you’re very vulnerable and shouldn’t be taken advantage of by anyone claiming to offer specific insight about how to get your twin flame back into your life. Of course, this is because they’re most likely not meant to be reunited with you. Don’t let anyone string you on like that. You deserve honesty and that’s my intention with this message.
Sometimes the spiritual path can make us feel guilty for feeling anything besides peace and joy. If you’re going through some difficulties in a relationship, my heart goes out to you. I honor whatever you’re feeling. Feeling hurt is nothing to be ashamed of. I’ve been there. It gets better. And how it gets better depends on how deeply and courageously we’re willing to love ourselves.
Thanks for tuning in today.
Much love and peace.